So humans may have two armpits but in my opinion the U.S.A has four. Yep, I have been all over the United States and I have identified the four major pits. Feel free to disagree but here is my list:
1. Detroit, Michigan
2. Reno, Nevada
3. Anywhere in Arkansas
4. Atlantic City, New Jersey
This last business trip was actually to Philadelphia but we decided to drive to Atlantic City to revisit that particular pit. Now we are no dummies, we have been there several times. I’m actually writing this to share with you the secrets to enjoying yourself should you ever end up in one of these “cities”. The rules are the same, it doesn’t really matter which pit you go to.
Rule #1: Dress Down
Yep…You heard me. You wanna blend in- so jeans and a cute top is considered way dressy. No heels ladies, no dress pants for the boys. Heck, I think I wore the same shirt two days in a row! Not a problem in the pit! If you want to see sweat pants and Disney T-shirts…just go to an armpit city. Atlantic City in particular had lots of men in velvetine track suits! Oh-la-la baby.
Rule #2: Plan on drinking a lot
Just do it.
And start early, like breakfast honey.
Trust me, it will make your life easier. The people you meet in these towns like to “tie one on” and so it’s much more fun to deal with them if you join them. It is not uncommon to see people doing jager shots and double Absolute shots at 8 am. The old ladies love the white zinfandel wine. It’s pink and tastes like a wine cooler. I am not sure it is is even approved for consumption by the FDA! The characters in these towns also like to talk…they are friendly and can actually be fun. Just ignore the smoke blowing in your face (they all smoke) and join the crowd.
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| Breakfast! |
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| sneaking in our own Red Bull |
Rule #3: Gamble
All armpits have casinos. That’s a fact (I just made it up…but whatever, it’s my blog). I think it is true tho. Whether it is an Indian Reservation or major chain casino, they are out there. Atlantic City is basically a huge boardwalk on the ocean with casinos. It feels sort of like a carnival on the beach. They have the t-shirt shops, rides on the pier, funnel cakes, confusing stores, and no shortage of psychic readers. The boardwalk goes on for miles and there are casinos the entire way! So gambling up and down this strip certainly provides a great way to entertain oneself.
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| Four of a Kind! Winning!! |
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| Ballys Entrance |
Rule #4: Don’t try to make sense of it
Let me explain this one. Armpit towns in America are confusing. They have weird stores that always seem to be in an identity crisis. Atlantic City has too many examples but there is one in particular called “Peanut World”. Let me repeat…it is called “Peanut World”. One would think they actually sell peanuts right? Nope…we walked in and saw NO PEANUTS.
None!!
In a normal city you may question this… but in an armpit, you need to expect it. They actually advertise lottery tickets, hot dogs, sodas, souvenirs, sundries, and of course psychic readings. Whatever! Where the F are the peanuts?
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| OMG.. Peanut World |
So that’s it… those are my rules that I literally just made up! I hope you enjoyed them and you can actually put them to use someday!
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| Atlantic City Beach! |
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| The Taj Mahal |
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| The AC Pier!! |
Obviously, every city has its pros and cons. So you don’t think I am completely dissing AC, I want you to know that visiting there in the summer is much more enjoyable. The boardwalk is “hoppin’” with meatheads, the beaches are packed, the outdoor restaurants and bars open their doors, and the 80’s music is playing. If you venture out to the Borgata (not on the boardwalk) it is like you are suddenly back in America! Everyone has their teeth, the bathrooms have toilet paper, and the food is edible!! Crazy but totally true!
On a different note, I know in my blog I said my next stop was Montreal… however, that trip was unfortunately cancelled. I am hoping it is rescheduled for a later date!
As of right now I don’t even know where the next stop will be so you will have to stay tuned!
Jill Hepokoski
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