An open letter to myself

Forgive my absence, I have been busy since January 7th!  That's right... I narrowed it down to that day since that is when we closed on our house (Ryan's house- who are we kidding?)  Although we only moved 4 miles from our old place... It still seemed like a big move.  Don't judge.

That is my story and I am stickin' to it.  


Oh,  we are landlords now too.  But, I will talk about that later... maybe a different night. 

For now, let's talk about the trauma of moving, shall we? Maybe, just maybe-  you can learn from our stupid mistakes :).

Here is a list of things I would tell myself on January 6, 2015 if I could go back in time. 

Notes to Jill from Jill (pre-move):

1.  First, you are a bozo! Do not move in the middle of winter in the Midwest when the temp is -20 degrees and it is snowing!!  

2. Jill... Have you lost your F-ing brain cells?  Do not promise new tenants they can move into your old place the day after you move out.  Better yet, don't assume you can move your life in 4 hours. It needs to be cleaned dumbo.  

3. Additionally, Do not assume your boyfriend who has never lifted a finger will suddenly transform into a handyman.  You are an absolute idiot. He is not handy and he will never be.  Change your expectations girlfriend.  Geeze

typical saturday

4. Okay freak...Do not underestimate how loud a train can be and how much your sensitive boyfriend hates it.  He might end up on the couch sometimes. Sometimes might be almost every night!! 
 
5. Do not assume trash pick-up is included in your association.  Do not wait two weeks to find a company and get service.  There may be an awkward moment when your new neighbors bust you sneaking wine bottles and pizza boxes into their trash.  Just act cool dude... they are too confused to say anything.  Maybe they will forget about it.

6. Do not assume your new garage door opener works and do not leave your ladder at your old house.  You will need that ladder to program your new opener.  It will be much easier than climbing on top of a BMW.  Remember fool it is minus 20 outside.  What a dumbass. Your gloves are in a box someplace too... so double dumb.

7. Do not ignore the home inspector.  He will show you how to work your new thermostat and your central vacuum.  It really should not take 3 months to learn how to empty the "magic" canister.  

this thing collects dirt

8. Not all dishwashers are created equal.  Be patient, one day your stupid "fancy" one will work properly.  Just not today.

9. Buy a shovel and some rock salt!  Are you a royal idiot?  It is snowing and home depot actually runs out of this crap.  Yes they ran out of shovels.  




Okay- so I made a few mistakes...Nobody is perfect right?  Lets fast forward to May 10th, 2015.  (BTW-happy mothers day mom)

So here is what I want to say to myself today (things I did right!) :

1.  You were successfully able to move your life (and ryans 5 outfits) in a single day.  Somehow you did it and you got the old place professionally cleaned!  Miracles can happen. You didn't die that day. (I will admit our friend handled the furniture while we were out of town).

2.  You have learned new skills: programming garage openers, hanging closet shelves and fixing mini fridges... Go update that resume,  you are a champ.

3. Booze plus overstock.com= some great cheap deals!  score - especially on the rugs.  You go girl.

overstock rug...ordered while drinking

4. Choosing a house with a fireplace and a Jacuzzi tub has made you much happier.  Who knew Ryan would be addicted to the fireplace?  Maybe you are not an idiot.

ryan prefers the fireplace over me!

5. You now have an awesome space to have friends come over.  Your dreams of  owning a bed and breakfast are not happening... but you are on your way (sort of).  Might need more friends, hmmm. 

the welcome wagon 

6. You are on your way to creating the best mini bar in America.  You are not there yet, but it is looking good! Go get 'em turbo.

perfect mini bar 

no sensors at our house

So there you have it.

The move is over and we are officially unorganized in our new life 4 miles away from the old one.  

Somehow, while typing tonight, I managed to get a computer virus.  I am currently on the phone with India- yes I called the country.  Right now I  have a cabernet in hand, virus at my fingertips, and I might be getting cranky.  So I am cutting this a bit shorter than I expected freaks.

Peace out y'all.  

OH... BTW- I am super excited to say we will be going to LA, Vegas (of course), and Europe soon.  Life almost seems normal again.

Has anyone been to Berlin, Amsterdam, London, or Paris?  I have been to a few but I am always looking for suggestions!